Chi_izms

“ Is that vegetarian?

— Someone in the cafeteria pointing at a bowl of rice with mushrooms behind the counter.

angelone:

inothernews:

savingoldlitter:killingbambi:mayonegg:entrails:firecrackers: wordboner:

just sayin

» To Everyone That Keeps Asking Me Why I'm Single

I am printing multiple copies of this article for distribution to anyone that ask me “Why are you single?”. Not that I receive that question every hour on the hour but do I really need to explain why I’m single all the time? I’m 30 and single. Big deal. Get over it. (Click on title to view article)

Every 7 Seconds...

B: Who's ____? He's a friend of yours. He sent me a friends request.
Me: One of ____'s friends. God...I HATE it when people randomly friend people while checking other people's profiles. I am so setting my privacy settings on him.
B: Should I bang him?

“ Sure, it can take on huge loads…

— First sentence to a new Maytag washer commercial

To The Girl Crying on the Subway Platform

I think you may have just gotten dumped by your boyfriend. I’m sorry. I really am. I know - life is short and you’ll never love again. Just curious to how long you been crying because correct me if I’m wrong but are youy standing on your own puddle of tears or did you forget that subway platforms are also urinals for some?

“ How many more sets do you have?

— A student at the gym asking a 65+ year old woman that question and eventually forcing her off the machine. What a fucking douche bag.

I Can't Compete in Normal Society

I’m wearing sweatpants to work today. Yes, I know the dress code is business profession/casual but when you’re one of the few employees here that actually walk to public transportation when the wind is about oh….40 miles per hour and it’s snowing an inch an hour, I deserve to be comfortable, damn it.

Dear Hairstylist...

I’d appreciate it if you not make me look like a rape victim again. Thanks. Luv you.

“ hey. In the midst of sex. Will touch base tomorrow

— 1:30am text from Bill A. in response to a question about his new Blackberry

“ Morning

— Some girl. At 2pm.

“ I don’t know if I want to friend him back. I seriously need to set my privacy settings so people like him can’t find me.

— 50+ year old woman in the cafeteria talking to her other 50+ year old friends about Facebook. Ironically, they all knew what she was talking about.

"Chiro" is not a fetish bar in NYC

CVD: How can you turn your head the wrong way when pulling up your underwear? Or was someone else pulling them up?
Chi: No idea. Actually, it was kinda cold in my loft so I shivered just a little and that's when it happened. It's not as bad as last time though. About 2 years ago, I went to go wipe my face after I brushed my teeth and I absolutely could not move my body cause every single little movement would set off that pain in my neck. Not sure if it's a pinched nerve or what.
CVD: Too bad u aren't in NYC; I would take you with me to the Chiro this afternoon.
Chi: And no, my mom doesn't dress me anymore. I'm 30, dude. She stopped dressing me after I moved out in 2001. Geez. What do you take me for?
Mike W: So...we are supposed to believe that you are wearing underwear? Ok...
Chi: Um...E-mail me on Facebook about this Chiro place. I am curious.
Chi: Only to work. The gym is a different story.
Chi: Chris - obviously I am horny as hell cause when you said "Chiro", I thought of some club or bar where people roam around in their underwear. But alas, you meant CHIROPRACTOR. I'm an idiot.

Injuring myself putting on underwear

I don’t even know where to begin. I was putting on my underwear this morning and not sure if I turned my neck the wrong way but now I can barely turn my head. Guess I might be out of the gym a couple days. Wtf?

“ I’m always stuck with these emotions and the more I try to feel the less I’m whole